even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I lost the right to judge tonight
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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