I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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