I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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