Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
