Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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