I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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