I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
