What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
