My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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