don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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