im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
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