Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
