just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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