she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
