So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
