i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
