I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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