Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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