Just cropdusted the office
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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