for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
