in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
