I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
