If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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