I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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