this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He keeps bees of course he's weird
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
