I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
