I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
