i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
