I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
