my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
