He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
