Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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