So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
