What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize