Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize