so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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