Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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