I'm really into asian looking animals
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize