Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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