i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
