I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
