I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The air was thick with penises
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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