Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
