I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
