I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
