If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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