you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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