I just saw a hot homeless man
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
