i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize