He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
