State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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