Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My life is pants optional.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
