I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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