STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
