I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
