Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
