Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
