My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
