Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
