So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
