I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My bed smells like the plague
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
