wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
