did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
