Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
