I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
