If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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