I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
