Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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