Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
