What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
