Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
