I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
