Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Randomize
