I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
