the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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