btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
