On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
