Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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