I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
